Back in the states...back at work....back to reality

My first day back at work. Laurie, my sub, was great...my desk has never been so clean and organized and she made my transition back easy and effortless. I like my job and in this economy, I'm grateful to have it, but I'd still rather be back in South Africa. It's a magical, wonderful place and I can't wait to return.

Now that we're home and have constant access to the Internet, I'll try to go back and tell the story of the last three weeks... they were the best of my life...they changed my life...

Later....

Cape Town

So I just spent the last 45 minutes here, trying to give a synopsysis of the last few days. Uploaded a pic, didn't like the placement, tried to delete it and the entire friggin' post was gone. No way to retrieve it. Dennis went down to the gym for a while and is back, so we're going into town. So now I'll see if I can give the details of the last 24 hours withhout screwing it up.
Sadly left Zulu Nyala yesterday at 8:30 am and took a ninety minute noon flight from Richard's Bay to Johannesburg. Left Johannesburg at 3:15 and arrived at Cape Town in the pouring rain. Hasn't rained here in hundreds of years ( well, maybe that's a bit of an exageration) and it decides to do it now. I guess we're good luck for the South African people. They are really grateful for the weather. We'll make the best of it.
Get to the Radisson Blu via a driver who met us at the airport, check in, and go upstairs. Uh-oh. No electricity on one side of the room. Call maintenance, long story, they give us another room, but not as nice---I'm tired, hungry and pouting. We decide to try and make the best of it and hit the hay at 9:00---without getting dinner. Dennis wakes me up at 8am---not too happy, as one of the lights over the mirror is out. He was going downstairs to see what he could do. Comes back not 5 minutes later, and tells me we're moving yet again. But he saw the room and said I'd love it. He was right.

See...

Ok-I still have to figure out how to place the photos on here but the idea is there....I love our room.
Off too explore....

WE GOT TO SEE MY ELEPHANTS!!!!

...AND TRIED TO UPLOAD THE IMAGES, BUT THEY WON'T COME THRU!!! DAMN.Briefly-went to another game park today-Hluhluwe National the oldest park in SA and they had =
---100's of them and we must have seen at least 60. Babies, teens, adults....beautiful.
Also saw a lion kill at the same park. Two females and 3 cubs...= one dead Cape Buffalo. Poor thing....happy lions....lots of pix
Also=3 cheetah-2 brothers with a female and her 3 cubs. It was the most awesome day so far. I'll try to put some pix on email for you guys....
xxoo

If at first you don't succeed....

It was really, really dark by this time, but you get the idea..I was in tears.!

Cheetah mom and her three cubs. Our ranger took us right up to see her, relaxed and eating after a kill.

Here we are sitting in a BAR (!) trying to stay connected. To the internet, that is so don't worry.

Try to do some more pix from here now---we've seen everything we've hoped---saw my elephants last night-but it was dusk---and getting dark quickly, so viewing wasn't as good as I hoped. Went looking again this morning with no luck and it's raining this afternoon so the drive was cancelled. No prob-try to get you all some info.

Here goes...

Obviously we have not morphed into giraffe---I'm just not good at placing copy yet....A taste for you...we'll send more later-I want to quit while I'm ahead..

Pictures Speak Volumes

To go into detail would be impossible right now--when we get to Capetown I'll get down and dirty---for now here's what's been happening...

This is our "house". It's a Tent! When the wind blows the entire place shakes--it's cool.

Our first game drive yesterday afternoon was awesome--the mom and baby above are just one of the animals we saw, but because this connection sucks, we'll send others by email and see if they go faster...

Ready as I'll ever be...

That's it-I've done as much as I can do---at work, at home...we're ready. Packed. Need to try and get some sleep---didn't get much last night due to high winds, humidity, stress and excitement.

Hopefully we'll have internet service in Johannesburg. We'll see.

Until then......

Still Trying

....with pix and placement...who could resist this pudgie face?

Running out of time....

Quick

9:o1 pm...spent the last couple of hours trying to organize the essentials into some type of order...bathroom, first aid, in the bush, checked, carry on...there's not a lot of stuff, it's just a matter of where to put it. I don't want to throw everything into a bag and have to dig and search when we get there. Got most of it together, I think.

Busy day at work training my sub---she's got two and a half more days (yikes!!) to get it and she's on her own. I'm outta there at noon on Friday....Getting down to the wire...calling SAA tomorrow to confirm our flight...a few more ends to tie up and we're done!

No playing with pictures tonight. Bringing my computer to work tomorrow-maybe while she's doing my stuff I'll play, but for now I'm crawling into my bed with my book and hopefully will sleep....gym 4:30 tomorrow morning....yuk.

PS---is that my LauraL following me???? We'll talk tomorrow...xxoo

This is a test...

of the Fledgling Author broadcasting system...

Can I successfully link my Picasa web album to my blog? Can I figure out how to get a Picasa web album url to allow my family and friends to view said web album? Can I determine how to upload a photo from said web album to blog? Can I understand why it is that I am using said language? What is said language? Who said it? And why? Who cares?

Let me give this a shot..it is currently 8:24 pm...any wagers on how long this will take me?

....tick tock...

8:48....tick tock...

still trying...

damn it! It says image is uploading and nothing comes up.

WHERE THE HELL IS IT GOING????!!!!

OH-OH -OH---THERE SHE IS!!! Not exactly where I wanted to place her, but she's here...8:54pm---thirty minutes for one friggin' little dog. That's Sydney, by the way. She's an English Bulldog who owns our friend Doug. I took this in our front yard in June, when she was about 10 weeks old but she's a big girl now!

Let me try another...

OK-this is going to take some practice...thirty minutes to get the dog photo in the blog, ten more to get the sunflower, but I need to figure out how to control the placement. Glad I started this four days before we're in Africa and didn't wait until I got there. Too bad I didn't THINK of this 6 months ago. Oh well, with age comes wisdom...

"I am slowly going crazy...1, 2, 3, 4, 5,6 SWITCH

Sharon, Lois and Bram's ---OMG--THE ELEPHANT SHOW!!!!!! (Hope the link showed up...) If anybody gets this, it'll be Meredith and possibly John.....love you guys...xxoo

"It's 4:03 and I can't sleep..."

It's actually 5:06, but I've been awake for hours. These last ten days or so, I go to bed exhausted and sleep until 11 or 12, then it's been toss and turn for the rest of the night. Once my head starts going, I can't shut it off, thinking about the trip, and things to do before I go. This morning, I couldn't get the ideas of my mini voice recorder and Picasa out of my head, so I finally decided to get up and do something. Spent the last 90 minutes reading the recorder instructions and trying to make it work. Dennis got it for me for Christmas a few years ago, and it's been sitting in my drawer because all the options frustrated me and I didn't take the time to learn how to use it. Last time I checked, it worked fine, but this morning, it won't do anything. I put brand new batteries in, read the reset instructions and it seemed dead. I left it sitting while I tried to look up trouble shooting on line, and a few minutes later, I glanced over and the little red record light was on. But it still wouldn't do anything. I think it may be because I left the old batteries in too long from the last time. They weren't leaking or anything, tho, so I don't get why it doesn't work. Figures. I wanted to learn it now, and take it with us so I could record while we were out with our guides. I guess I'll have to either go without it or get another one. Shit.
Yesterday, I found out that internet use in South Africa can get a little pricey, so my blogging may not be exactly what I was hoping. Which led me to my other bouncing brain activity this morning---getting my friends and family on Picasa, so they could look at my web album. That 's my next project and hopefully it won't be too complicated. It's all this little last minute stuff that keeps popping into my head that's been making me crazier than I already am. I hope once we get over there, my brain slows down a bit. I'll probably crash and sleep for 2 days while everyone else is out on game drives.
Going to try and get a few more zzzz's now, before it starts getting light.

Heads Up Warnings

Hi to anyone who received my message today about my new email address and blog! Keep in mind that when I write I try to keep as true to my own voice as possible. So if you tend to be offended at occasional --or frequent--colorful language, consider yourself forewarned--there will be obscenities peppered throughout the entries.
That's it for now...

Monday, 9/20 6am

Less than two weeks to go. I'm up early-as usual these days. Having trouble sleeping with so much on my mind and all the excitement of getting ready to go. One of the issues has been cursing myself daily, as I knew I would, that I didn't spend more time learning about our cameras. My husband is a "learn on the fly" guy, as he said yesterday, but I can see us out in the bush, trying to capture lion cubs on video, and him going-"DEN! How do you do this???!!!!!" I feel like I'm back in school cramming at the last minute for an exam. No wonder I wasn't a good student.

In addition, this laptop has been giving me problems. Now it's a matter of figuring it out myself. I don't want to have anything to do with calling Dell. I got frustrated last night after a few hours and just shut it off, but I'm beginning to suspect that it's this new Windows 7 and Internet Explorer, rather than Dell. My husband has neither of those on his netbook, and the old dinosaur upstairs definitely doesn't have them. Neither the netbook or old Dino have the issues this has. I don't need to be spending hours figuring this out right now. If I can't get it, it's going to have to wait until we get back.

I'm so nuts-getting back is a worry. Not the idea of coming home-I don't really have any worries about that-it's all the shit I'm going to have to catch up with once this trip is done...bills and changing closets to winter clothes-my two most dreaded things to do. I'd better learn to relax and live in the day I'm in at the moment or I'm gonna drive myself---and my poor husband---out of our minds...

6:21....time to start my day!

Spinning

Two weeks from tonight we'll pack the last of what we're bringing with us to the other side of this planet. Is it the other side? I don't know-I was never good in geography. Today, I doubt I could even point to Colorado on a blank map. I'm lucky I know where my own little state of Connecticut is. But no matter, I don't need to get us there, only to get through the fifteen hour flight and seven hour time difference. It's surreal, thinking that we're actually taking this trip. I've been buzzing day and night-physically and mentally-I can't relax. Last night I barely got four and a half hours of sleep. I'm hoping once everything is done--or at least once we get there and I adjust as much as will be possible in a new, strange, foreign country, that I will finally be able to get a decent night's sleep. We'll see.
My elephants. That's what I'm most looking forward to seeing. I call them mine-I don't know why. I have a special affinity for those beautiful, peaceful pachyderms. I don't know when it was or why that I developed the fascination, compassion and yes, love, that I feel for them. I can't explain it. But when the opportunity presented itself for us to see them up close and personal, in their natural habitat, we couldn't pass it up. It's something I never thought I'd be doing and it's so far out of the realm of our norm that I wonder if it's something I'll ever want to do again, once we're back on US soil. I hope so.

I'm Back

September 16, 2010
After months of frustration with Dell and ultimately contacting a big cheese at the headquarters in Texas, I have my third and hopefully, last laptop. At almost a month, this one seems to be working well and so far I haven't had any issues. I can't believe that my last post was in April... my favorite season, summer, is fading fast, and my countdown to days to South Africa has dwindled to a mere 15. It's been so long since I've been here that my elephant photo has disappeared off this page. That alone will take me another week to figure out how to fix, but in addition, Twitter stuff keeps popping up and I don't remember my password or how to stop the pop. One who knows might ask why it was that I didn't use my old desktop computer to fill in here while Dell From Hell was doing their best to rip me off. The answer is I don't know. The usual. Lazy. Fear. Lack of confidence. But I am going to South Africa in two weeks. From the start, it was my plan to use this--or another- blog to keep track of our adventure, post pictures, and make memories for myself and Dennis. If someone happens to stumble across it in the meantime and wants to follow along-that'd be great too. Don't know if any followers are still around--all FOUR of them, but who can follow when there's nothing to read. So as of tonight, I am making a promise to myself to keep track of the last days of the countdown, and the adventure thereafter. I'll need this time to practice and brush up on how this thing works.
Feels good to be here.

Needing to re-think my goals

It's been almost two weeks since I've been here and more and more frequently I'm making excuses or commenting on the amount of time I've taken between posts. Even though I was down with some viral thing for almost a week, I was home from work and felt good enough to watch TV or check my e-mail. I should have been good enough to keep up with my posts. After catching up a bit today on Google Reader, looking at what others are doing, I've begun to re-evaluate my blog. I thought about dropping it entirely, but doing that will really make me feel like crap about myself and I feel bad enough already. I started this with so much steam, exhuberance and committment, and as most things I attempt, it's fizzled out to about nothing. I'm discouraged. In the beginning I thought I would write about writing, but that's not working well. I don't know enough about writing. Duh. Clue--Fledgling Author?? Today I concluded that I have no idea what I should be writing about. While perusing Karen Winters Schwartz "Maraschino Cherries" blog site and some of the blogs she follows, I took a peek at "Jeannie's Ramblings" which, at a glance, appears to be just that-ramblings about anything and everything. She gives book reviews, talks about the weather, and had a post about a mouse in her house. Different, quirky stuff. My stuff is boring. Should I write about an events in my life during my week? I could, but who the hell will care? I was up at four o'clock this morning, listening to some poor little animal struggle and fight for its life for over thirty minutes. It broke my heart and I wanted to run out into the woods to save it. But what is that? An emotional reaction from a tree hugger who has trouble dealing with nature's survival of the fittist. A nut. I don't know that that would hold my interest if I were someone else reading it.
It stinks when you're almost fifty four years old and have no idea where you're going.

Finally! All the bugs are worked out....(I hope)

One month and a day since I ordered my new laptop and today, finally, I think I have the worst of the issues resolved. I really like Dell and have had good luck with all the models we've owned over the years and which is why I chose an XPS over an Apple, but I've spent more time on the phone with them this last month than in the last ten years combined. I think part of the problems were self inflicted-they told me today I had a virus, but I think it really might have had something to do with Firefox and transfering files over from my desktop. It took them two hours today to diagnose and fix the problem by remote from India or where ever...but they were good-they did it.And now I can access my blog, it shows up so I can see it, I have Internet Explorer AND Firefox and I am a happy camper. Onward and upward! (corn-nee!)

More writing contests coming up. A real biggie with Writer's Digest-due in late April or early May, I think. Also a small just for fun- again with WD due April 10, and the Writer's Weekly 24 hour contest on April 24. Now that my machine is fixed, I have no more excuses, and have got to get back on the horse.

Which is where I'm-a headin' right now....Yee-ha!!(OMG I think I've been taking too much cough syrup these last few days--I'm way loopier than usual.)

Query letters

I had a conversation with someone today who, like so many, is out of work and looking for a job. He told me that he thought his resume was really good and that he had a lot to offer to potential employers, yet couldn't understand why he wasn't getting any interviews, or even responses like "Thanks, but you can take a hike". He had been receiving unemployment compensation and apparently the state thought he needed a kick in the butt, so they offered him the option to polish up his resume by taking some classes or stop receiving his checks. Nice choice, but I guess they need to do something to try and weed out the freeloaders. Anyway, the resume he thought was so wonderful, really wasn't, and the classes and his mentor helped him to clean it up to make him more saleable. But what he said has really done the trick is that he now includes a cover letter tailored to each job. It's made all the difference in the world, and he's now getting phone calls with a few "Thanks,but...." as well as some interviews. The conversation reminded me of the importance of a good query letter and how it needs to be informative, yet concise. When I worked in the advertising department of a newspaper, we were told that a reader generally scans ads on a page for a brief five seconds, so the ad better offer something to grab attention before the page is turned. In my humble opinion, the query letter is very much the same. It has to have that LOOK AT ME!!!!! quality in order to capture enough attention to invite further reading. Not an easy task but definitely worth the effort.

Before I lose more time...

I wanted to post a quick entry. I didn't get here last night because I went to my writer's group but I'm beginning to question if I should continue attending. The last three meetings have consisted of three of us, which doesn't allow for much feedback. The coordinator also has copies of articles that she passes around and we all take turns reading paragraphs. I can read on my own. I'm looking for help writing. I'll give it another couple of weeks and see if more people join or come back, and if not, I might look elsewhere...

Meetup.com is a website I checked out in search of other area writing groups. It offers a huge array of interests for those looking in their community and surrounding areas. I found a couple of other writing groups in nearby towns and if things don't improve, I may check them out.

I'm having a tough time tonight. I'm writing this on the laptop, so I'm on Firefox and this is so small, I can hardly see it. Plus, my modem and router are f-ed up and I keep losing my internet connection. I think I'm going to call it a night.

I'm back

***Note*** I created the following post last night (3/16)...wrote, reviewed, edited...etc., etc. until I was satisfied enough to punch the "publish" button. When I did-nothing happened...The little circle timer thingie on my computer was going round and round until finally, an ERROR message showed up. I couldn't post the damn thing. My unedited post came back. I have no idea where everything else went. It was even stranger when I found the edited version on Google Reader, exactly as I wanted it to be. Went back to my blog. Nothing. And this morning, it's disappeared from Google reader as well. So following is the mostly unedited version of my work from last night....is someone trying to tell me something????


This is bad. I haven't been here since March 1 and today's the 16th. The frustration with my laptop was subsiding until just now, when --oh, never mind. I'll get it. I did figure out that the reason I can't get my page to look the way I want on the screen is due to Firefox. It won't give me full screen viewing which kind of screws me because I transferred all of the stuff I wanted from the desk to my laptop, and almost all of it was done on Firefox. When I finally concluded the program might be the problem, I removed it from the computer, but then none of my stuff would open. Now I need to figure out a way to get everything from Internet Explorer so I can see the full view. It's so time consuming...

My poor blog...the longer I stayed away, the harder it was to come back. (Hmmm-sounds like what I hear in the rooms of AA after someone "goes out." I'm sure a shrink would tell me there's a connection there someplace.) It was like I was afraid. One night I was rearranging and trying to organize files on the laptop desktop (??!!) and there was my Fledgling Author icon staring me in the face, but I tried not to look at it. I could almost hear it calling me..."Come baaaaaack, come baaaaack...." Well. I'm here. It took me a few weeks but I'm ready to get going again.

I need to get going again because while I was away, something REALLY GOOD HAPPENED. And it won't happen again if I don't keep practicing. Let me explain. In January, I entered a writing contest through Writer's Weekly. They give you 24 hours to come up with a story after they send out a mass prompt. Then you wait six weeks for them to get back to you. Not you, personally, but to receive the mass email naming winners. And...of all the contestants, I received an honorable mention!! I was PSYCHED!!!! It felt so good to see my name on that list. So what if I didn't get first, second or third prize? MY NAME WAS ON THE HONORABLE MENTION LIST!! WHAHOO! Could it have had something to do with writing on a regular basis? Maybe, and now I have the first thing I can put on my resume....

So. That's the reason I needed and WANTED to get my butt back in this seat. Feels good. I missed being here...

Busy still trying to figure this out.

To anyone who might be reading this-I apologize in advance for my ranting on about this laptop. Right now I'm sitting at my desk-the old desktop is opened to my blog page as I add a post on the laptop. I was hoping by looking at the old computer I could figure out how to get this page to display in the center of the laptop screen and also, how to stretch everything so it fills the screen. I went ahead and spent more money for a bigger screen (15.6" "edge to edge they called it) and it's pretty pointless if anything I look at takes up half or less than the entire LCD display. I've spent more time cruising around this thing trying to figure out how it works than I have writing. Then I get myself all worked up and frustrated and feel like throwing it out the window, so I turn it off and leave.

I have been trying to work on some writing. Due to some major pushing from my husband I wrote a kid's short story-the last thing I ever thought I'd do. I based it on my parakeets and I have someone (an actual real agent---real, real-she's worked with big name writers) who has also been encouraging me and will take a look when it's done. I have NO idea how to submit it-format, pages, anything. I'm trying to learn by Googling. I don't want her to think I'm a COMPLETE idiot when she sees it. So that's where I'm headed next. To edit, rewrite and research.

Uh-oh-trying to make the page fill the screen, I went to Edit/Full Screen and now my address bar and everything else has disappeared. This isn't my idea of fun. I need help.....

Not liking my laptip very nuch tonight

OK. This is not fun. I don't know if it's me, but I'm having a helluva tine getting used to this thing as you can see. Tried doing some work on a story and it was taking me forever. This is like driving a new car. Everything feels different and I'm having trouble figuring out the controls. I feel like I've gone from an automatic to a standard and nobody has shown me how to drive. I feel really frustrated. I keep getting the space bar and touch pad buttons mixed up, I have to go back and forth from one side of the page to the other to scroll...It's GOT to be me.... How hard can this machine be????
Maybe I made a mistake and should have stayed with my old dinosaur desktop....
What was I thinking??? I hate change.....

(Really) Technologically Impaired

O.M.G. That's the only text talk I know-if it's even called text talk, but OH MY GOD...

I feel really out of touch in this fast moving cyber spinning world in which I live. The reason? A simple laptop. I bought one. And now I'm wondering if I'll ever get the hang of it and if I should have invested all the long saved, hard earned money I spent for this sucker.

Let me do a little 'splainin', Lucy. My husband, Dennis, and I will be taking our first, and maybe only, safari to South Africa next October. We're going for three weeks and I'm excited beyond belief. (See the "Countdown" on the right of my page.) It's a long story how we came about going. Suffice it to say we became little overly zealous at a fund raising auction and were suddenly the proud recipients of a one week photo safari. Because it's a once in a lifetime opportunity, and because the flight over is 24 hours, and because we've not had a real vacation in about five years,we decided to really bite the bullet and make the trip three weeks.

We went out and got a digital camera so we can capture the many memorable moments, but we need to learn how to use it. We were told that it'd be a good idea if we had something with us to download all the pix. I'd just gotten serious again about my writing, and thought a neat way to remember along with the pix would be to journal. The more people we spoke with, the more suggested bringing a laptop for both pictures and journaling. So, started saving my money, and here I am eight months later with a Dell XPS-- does- lots- of- stuff- I- know- nothing- about- laptop. I'm using it now, and have to admit, this keyboard is really cool. So soft to the touch. (eww-sounds a little kinky!) But it has no mouse, and someone suggested I could get one, but what 's the point, it's a LAP top. So I spend tons of time, fiddling back and forth, trying to get the friggin' pointer where I want it to go... and forget the scroll bar. That's going to really send me.

I have a lot of reading to do before I understand this thing. And that's something else! A long, long time ago (n0-not American Pie) when a consumer purchased a new gadget, included with said gadget were operating directions. Sometimes it was only one page, sometimes it was a little book. But no matter, it was always there to refer to should a problem arise. But today? Noooooooo. If you want directions more explicit than indicating the on/off button, you have to go online and look them up. And if you are like me, with lots of memory loss due to age as well as previously mentioned overindulgence in substances made to be taken in moderation, the ole memory ain't what it used to be. So I need something I can hold. And refer back to. It gives me comfort. After reading the brief quick start guide of my new toy, I went online as they suggested and downloaded the "Technology Guide." All THREE HUNDRED SEVENTY-FIVE PAGES OF IT. Now come on!! We spend a ton of money on all this stuff, you'd think they could at least include a guide to help us along. OK. Help me along. It's become a do it yourself world, and while I'm all for DIY, and saving the planet by using less paper, I think user manuals are a must. Call me old fashioned. Call me stupid. Or, call me as my daughter does: Technologically impaired.

(If this post looks particularly screwy, or contains many typos-itls het PXSl!!!!)

Horray! It's Friday! (even tho' I only worked 3 days...)

I love Fridays. They're my favorite day of the week. Friday mornings I look forward to Friday nights, coming home after work, sitting down with a giant glass filled with lots of ice and white or red cranberry juice. Bet you thought I was gonna say wine...well...I had those days-lots of them, actually. Way too many and eventually lost control. The stuff kicked my butt, but I'm happy to say that twelve years ago I summoned all the strength and courage I had to kick it back and have been on the recovery road ever since. And it's been one helluva ride, let me tell ya. Wouldn't change it for anything.

Anyway, Fridays are the best. Two entire days ahead to maybe sleep in a little and then do whatever floats my boat. Tomorrow morning I might float my boat over to hunt around at an estate sale even though there's not one more thing I need to put in this house.

Tonight I'm going to do a little reading up on personal essay writing. The little bit I've looked at so far only entails writing for college entrance applications. Writer's Digest has a contest coming up (deadline May 14 if anybody's interested--info on their site) and memoir or personal essay is one of the categories open to the competition. I don't do well at making stuff up, and write best about my own experiences or opinions, so that'll be the route I'll take to enter. This will light a fire under my butt to get moving.

One more quick thing. As soon as I finished my post last night, my phone rang and it was Meredith, my daughter. I guess the alien thing made her feel she's not as nuts as she thinks she is. Apparently, after she reads my stuff she feels I surpass her in the insanity department and that little bit of knowledge somehow gives her comfort. Whatever works. It's not as easy to comfort a 24 year old child as it was when she was only 4. But the point I was trying to get to is that she recieves my posts in an email and I don't know what I did to make that happen. I'll have to go in and try to figure it out, but I wanted to apologize to anyone who receives emails if you didn't want them. Just block me. Of course, I have so many fans and followers, I'm sure I'm driving them all crazy as their in boxes fill up with my stuff. I wish.

So, off to do some research...and tomorrow when I have a little more time, I plan to check out those hilarious videos posted on Sara's site. I'm a little afraid, because it looks like the music is from my time and I'll probably think they're cool and not get why everyone thinks they're so funny. Don't look now, but my age is showing.....

Slack, Slacker, Slacking

...is all I can say about my absence of the last week. I don't know where the time went and can't remember much about those last seven or eight days, which wouldn't be such a bad thing if I drank, but I gave that up a dozen years ago. I did spend an overnight with my daughter Friday, and came back Saturday eve, but other than that, everything else has blended into one big blobby blur. Maybe I was abducted by aliens and don't remember. I've heard that they will do that so the abductee doesn't freak or give away any alien secrets. Abductee... Is that even a word?

Anyway....I obviously haven't done ANY writing. Not here. Not anywhere. And I can feel it. It's like when I don't go to the gym for a week--or more--getting back into it is a drudge. I have to drag myself. I feel like I'm dragging myself across the keyboard now. With Volga Boatmen playing in the background..."Type those words, Den...Ohho, type those words, Den. Keep your miiinnnd on the taasskkk....da da da daaaaaa" Yep. I've lost it.

Alrightee then. I think this is enough of an easement back into my blog for one night. Now that I'm back, I'll try to stay....

Snow Day!!!!

Winter life here in Connecticut can be a little unpredictable especially for the weathermen. While Virginia, Maryland and Baltimore are getting pounded by snow, the likes of which they have not seen in some time, if ever, we are waiting. And waiting. And waiting. School was canceled last night,
the administrative staff was called at ten pm and told to stay home (that's me! Yea!), and we were expected to get up to a foot of snow, beginning after midnight. It's currently 3:30 pm and we've had a dusting. My hope is that it starts tonight after midnight and I get to stay home again tomorrow.

I'd planned to do lots of writing today with my free time, but just started now. I did do something productive, though. When I'm on a computer away from home, I'll sometimes find an interesting or helpful writing site, and I'll email the link to myself. My mailboxes were full of sites and info that I never got around to organizing, so I made files for freelance info, contests, finished and unfinished writing pieces of mine and blog and agent info. Now I need to stay on top of it and keep it organized.

Making the contest file reminded me that contests provide the push I need to get motivated and I need to do more of them. They require me to stick to a deadline so I don't continuously put off doing the work. My blog has, as I told myself it wouldn't, taken a back seat on some days to cleaning toilets, writing bills or doing laundry. Or all three. It's especially hard for me to keep motivated when I start to question myself as to why I'm even doing this. I begin to feel inadequate and uncreative, then my inspiration and drive go right out the window. I've always been one to want everything now-instant gratification-and I try to remember to remind myself that this is an ongoing process and will most likely take a long time to see any results. I just have to continue to do it for myself. I think I might be the only one who gets anything out of it.

A little stressed

I'm feeling totally inadequate. I've not been here since Thursday. I have a ton of reading-books and blogs, and I can't keep up. I signed up for the Virtual Zen Retreat with Mary Jaksch on her "Write To Done (I can't even copy her address correctly) blog and I'm having trouble getting quiet and doing the readings.

Sara is going balls to the wall to work on "Priority" stuff, and she's got other bloggers and her fans all doing the same.

I am, as the saying goes, comparing my insides to the outsides of everyone else. Trying to keep up.

I'm going to regroup. I'll be back tomorrow with a better attitude.

Sigh.

Google docs

On the first and third Wednesdays of each month, I attend a "Writer's Support Group". I've been going for a couple of months and I really enjoy it. The group is small enough that anyone who attends and wants to read their stuff can do so, then we all critique it--nicely. The variety of writing styles amazes me. One woman who attends, Erin, is phenomenal--the stuff she can make up blows me away. Anyway-I think the woman is brilliant. I love to hear her speak-she has an awesome command of our language, but articulates herself so that I can understand what she's talking about and I don't feel like an idiot. She gives great feedback-both constructive and supportive, and I get the most from listening to her. She also seems well versed in IT (Internet technology-?? I think that's right) and has helpful suggestions about files, formatting, etc.

Last night she gave us a great tip about Google. I should have known this, but I didn't, and it's going to help me tremendously.

Google docs. I spent only a bit of time playing around with it tonight, but I can take everything I have stored on my computer and move it to Google docs. where they stay in my own little Google account, out in space somewhere, and I can call them up anytime, from anywhere and work on them. I think it's going to be a much better way to store my stuff, so now I need to transfer all my important work over there. More for me to learn. As soon as I figure it out, I'll give details. It doesn't seem very complicated.

This is never ending, and sometimes it drives me crazy, but I'm still loving it...

TUESDAY ALREADY!!!!

I have been soooo busy, I can't believe the last time I did anything with my poor little blog was last Thursday.

I was really excited to find three new comments tonight-those really help to perk me up and keep me going especially since I had a short "what the hell am I doing" moment last night. Wondering about spending all this time on the computer, sending stuff out into cyberspace, or the blogosphere, or whatever, with seemingly few who know I'm alive. Who's interested in my stuff anyway??? Boo hoo. Then I found the comments. Thanks Sarah for the tip and Allena if you're here again, thank you, too.

I'm honored that Allena commented. It's like she's like famous to me. Tons of info, thousands of topics, a veritable Fountain of Freelance... Maybe someday I'll be writing on a big site like she does.

I did spend quite a bit of time the last few days on Associated Content, and I'll go back and re-read Allena's suggestions as to why that might not be such a great idea. I was thinking it would be a way to get started making a little money, and at least having some work to show potential clients.

Another someday for me might be a book, but it'd have to be a creative non-fiction/memoir type thing. I'm not good at making things up. My husband wants me to write a kid's story about one of our parakeets, and I've been tossing it around in my head, but can't seem to come up with anything really creative and catchy. I think people assume writing for kids is easy, but I'm not sure that's the case.

I was also thinking the last few days about how my original intent for here was to write about writing, but I'm beginning to second think that, also. I wanted to do something on AC about planning for our upcoming trip to South Africa in October-sort of a step by step for first timers like us. I'm saving my money to buy a laptop to bring with me, thinking I could submit to AC while we were there and also try to keep up with my blog.

I think I just have too much flying around in my head and sometimes it overwhelms me. I had a sad thought the other day that, at fifty three years old, I have have wasted so much time. The best I have to show for those years are my two kids. But what will be my legacy? I know for damn sure there aren't fifty three more years for me and I feel a sense of urgency to get moving and make the best of what remains. In her book, "Broken Open", Elizabeth Lesser speaks of the most beautiful, wrenching quote I'd ever read. Written by Anais Nin, it fully articulates where I am now, and where I want to go.

"And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

Thursday already

These weeks are flying. Tonight is a short post because I'm going to "Associated Content" to create an account for myself and see if I can get some stuff published online. I found out about the site through Allena Tapia at About.com. I receive emails from her Freelance Writing guide, and she's been a great help as I try to learn about that aspect of writing. I came across the AC site the other day after perusing some of her mail that I hadn't had time to look at and it seems like it might be a good place to get my feet wet. It's easy to understand, which is always helpful for me.
Still haven't learned the link thing yet so here's the address.... http://www.associatedcontent.com/
My husband and I are going to South Africa next October and I'm going to see if they'll accept some submissions about the trip. (In case anyone might be wondering-the elephant on my page is a countdown to the days remaining)
My daughter, Meredith, made an allusion today that I'm becoming obsessed with my blog. She ain't seen nothin' yet! (Love ya, honey!)

Learn something new everyday

Everyone has most likely heard, "Ohhhhh. Hmmmm. Well, you learn something new everyday!" It's cliche, and I don't know how true it really is, but this writing thing has really made that statement my ah-ha mantra these last few weeks. Today, I learned something about Twitter that I never knew until after I spent a few minutes reading about it on line and viewing a Youtube video. I did not know that posts (or whatever they are called) are limited to 140 characters. I wondered what that meant under the update box. I really show my age when it comes to all this stuff. So now that I know it has to be brief, I will try and Tweet everyday. I have trouble being brief. This should help. Me . Be brief.--Ha.
I'm still trying to learn how to include links within my posts without pasting the entire site address. That will be my tweet for tonight. Maybe someone can help me. I found some great stuff today for freelancing, contests and new writers so I'll include the address lines until I learn otherwise....
This one offers a variety of avenues to make and find money writing as well as contests, and consultations.
http://www.fundsforwriters.com/

This is geared toward freelance writers, but has a TON of info on it. I could spend hours just perusing this site.
http://www.freelancewritinggigs.com/

This is another page of FWJ, offering free online writing classes...I like free. I'm going to check these out as I can use all the help I can get-

http://www.freelancewritinggigs.com/2009/08/31-free-online-writing-courses/

Going to spend some time researching so I can learn more than one new thing today....

New Look

OK-It's been 3 weeks and already I'm bored with the look of my blog. Tonight I ingeniously determined that I was able to change the templates with the availability of a few blogger variations and chose this because it was vivid had some pizazz! It's not necessarily what I'd have if I could design my own, but it'll work for tonight until I can figure out something else.
I spent the better part of the weekend working on the Writer's Weekly 24 Hour contest story. In a nutshell-Mrs. Claus was cheating on her man. With an elf. That's what he gets for being so controlling. Don't know if it'll win any prize, but I thought it was rather creative.
I also came to the conclusion tonight that I'd better get on the Twitter train. I actually had created an account back in November, but never did anything with it. All I hear and read about is Tweets and Twits, and whatever else there is. Thought it might get some traffic to my blog so I'll be...
waiting.....waiting...

O-M-G!!!!!

First, let me clarify that I do not text...I'm sure it has something to do with my age, but I do not know how to text, I do not understand texting, nor do I want to learn texting. So the title of this post is not like me, however it's the only way I can describe the last forty-five minutes of my life. Last night I talked about designing-well tonight I tried to add a little pizazz to my avenue in cyberspace and almost canned the entire thing. I had come close to arriving at screw the commitment. But when I got myself under control, I took a little more time and realized that there must be only so much I'm able to do with this style and layout from blogger. Standard. And I don't want to be standard. I want to be different!! I want a unique and eye appealing look. I WANT A BLOG LIKE SARA!!!!! I was born too late for this computer age, and trying like hell to catch up. There's a saying that typifies my effort-"The hurrier I go, the behinder I get." And I sure am behind tonight. The eight ball. I had something I wanted to tell all of my anxiously awaiting fans out there and I ended up playing with pictures trying to get the layout right...

Anyway. Tomorrow "Writer's Weekly" is hosting a 24 hour contest. (Will someone please tell me how to underline in posts?) It's cool. Sign up for the contest-it's only 5 bucks. Then, at noon on the specified date, they email you a short prompt and you have 24 hours to create a story and send it back. They provide you with details like word count, submission requirements and stuff. It's fun. As I have yet to learn how to add a link like the pros, here's the address-

http://www.writersweekly.com/misc/contest.php

The spring contest is open for sign up now, so take a look...

So. There's my important news. I may not be back tomorrow...either contest-ing or setting a bomb to my blog....

Designing

Still working on designing this site. Some of the blogs on line are so beautiful-I want to dress mine up too. Love to decorate, but it's a lot easier to do my house than my blog...

Almost didn't get here tonight, and last night was a total bust. I've joined a writer's support group held twice a month at the library and last night was one of the twice. It was late by the time I got home and just didn't have the energy. Tonight my husband and I were supposed to see a Sinatra cover band, complete with a sixteen piece orchestra, but again, I got home from work after a dentist appointment, had a pile of bills and paperwork to sift through, my birds' cage desperately needed cleaning AND I didn't write last night. Somewhere-in either "Writing Down The Bones" or "Bird By Bird", (I can't find the underline thing for the book titles) it said "write every day...even if it's only ten minutes....just write." So-no Sinatra concert tonight-just write.

Short entry though...I think I may have caught a cold from this dork who's been coming into the office for the last week-sick and disgusting. He already gave it to my boss...maybe I should stay home tomorrow and protect myself....

A Brief Respite

Another new follower! Thank you! Check out her blog-it's got some great inspirational daily readings.

I think I took Sara's suggestion a little too literally as I've not posted anything since Friday and the really sad thing is that I'm having trouble remembering why that is. What did I do that was so important it kept me away from my blog? Certainly nothing that will keep the rapt attention of anyone who reads this...

A couple of months ago, I set some goals for myself and tacked them over my computer. As I looked up the other day, I suddenly realized that blogging was one of those goals. It fell under the short term category of my brief list. The other two short term objectives are to have 2 published pieces by Spring 2010 and have at least one consistent freelance assignment (no time constraint on that one, I just noticed).
My single long term objective at this point is to achieve self sufficiency by age 60 and "semi-retire" to a part time position so that I can spend more time writing.That gives me about 7 years. Can I do it? I'm gonna give it a helluva try.


I spent a lot of time today doing research on query letters for submissions. The more I read, the less I know. And really, I know nothing. Educationally speaking, I have two years of college and no degree, and the only writing course I'd taken was journalism.The teacher turned me off so much that I never gave writing of any type a second thought. I remember she was tall and thin with a rat's nest hairdo and freaky long fingernails that looked as though they'd never seen a scrub brush. Critical and brusque, she was not the motivating type I needed back then-someone to advice me, make suggestions and try to point me in the right direction. When I think back on that time, I didn't have a clue to what I was doing-I was like a bee without a flower-flying around with no idea where I was going.

So now, I'm self-educating, reading as much as my brain and time will allow. And now, I don't need anyone to motivate me. Now I can set goals and achieve them one at a time. Finally. I think my time has come.

So excited....but so much to learn

It's 7:22 Friday evening and as I opened my blog I got SO excited because I had one comment AND a NEW FOLLOWER!!!!! I need to breathe and slow down to get my thoughts together-I feel like I won a prize!!! First, I want to say thanks and welcome (if that's appropriate) to my new follower, iwrite92. If you're name is in your profile, I haven't read through it yet, because I couldn't wait to post this, but thanks for adding your name. I wish I'd started writing at seventeen....Thanks also, Sara, for your comment that helped to ease my guilt trip a little. Maybe I do need to look at my schedule and rearrange the blog sessions a little.

Now for the so much to learn. I am NOT a computer savvy individual. While I can sort of make my way around, it usually takes me forever to get where I'm trying to go. This leads me to my dilemma for tonight. Sara tweeted about my blog on twitter. Okay. I know what Twitter is and I think a tweet is like a comment. That's about it, so I'm guessing it means that the tweet will pique curiosity and possibly bring readers to my blog. How'm I doin'? I am a crazy bird fanatic-I have three budgies-but theirs are the only tweets I know. So...Twitter. More stuff for me to read and learn about. I do think that I joined at one point, and I have no idea when that was or what my password might be, but it would probably be easy enough to find out.

More stuff to stump me...I tried to respond to Sara by email and somehow ended up following myself on my own blog. What a pinhead! Now I have to figure out how to unfollow as it looks really ridiculous and desperate. Never did get the email to you, Sara-don't tell me though, I like mysteries and I'll figure it out... I hope.

Some cool info to pass on--but it's not going to be from "In Your Own Voice" as I said I'd do last night. This is better. I love entering writing contests (Sara had some, but I was just beginning my blog and a little overwhelmed). A really fun one is coming up, and there's still some room for participants. It's offered through Writer's Weekly and they call it their 24 Hour Contest. They set a date, usually on a Saturday, and at noon on that day, they email you a paragraph to turn into a story. They give you 24 hours to submit it, so it has to be finished and entered by noon on Sunday. It's fun, and some of the winning stories are really, really good....Let's see if I can attach the link..... http://www.writersweekly.com/. There. I have yet to figure out how to do it so links are highlighted, but I'll get there.

Writer's Digest is also offering some really awesome contests, with a choice of genre's from which to choose. They currently have a similar challenge to the 24 hour, only you get more time. Called "Your Story", they offer an idea to run with and develop into your story. Thus the name! Deadline for that one is February 10th. Check out the plethora of other competitions they're offering for the spring at http://www.writersdigest.com

Going to spend some time with my husband....Happy Friday Night!

Exhausted

Yesterday was the first time I didn't post since I started this blog on Jan. 1. It bugged me because I'd made a pact with myself to post everyday, but I just couldn't do it last night. I'd had a couple of long days and they caught up with me. Tomorrow is going to be another long one and I'm really tired tonight, but I didn't want to let another day go by without a post.

Still wading through "In Your Own Voice". It's not too technical and I've picked up a few really helpful points which I'll go into detail about tomorrow. Reading an entire book a week is quite a demand, though, and I think I may cut myself some slack there. I do love to read, but I can only do so much stuff in a day.

I have this fantasy about someday being able to do nothing but write, and read. I guess we all do. I'd love to be able to stay home and work at my computer until the late hours of the evening, then sleep in until around 8:00 the next morning and do it all over again. Realistically, I know that it's not that way it is. I know it's work. And difficult. And frustrating. But I'd be doing all that difficult, frustrating work for myself. How cool. At the very least, I have something to look forward to when retirement time arrives. I'll have to wait a while but until then, I can dream...
This isn't much of an entry for today, but it's about all I have to give. Tomorrow's another day.

Trying Write To Done link again

The link didn't show up on the post I published two seconds ago. I'll try again, but just in case, I'll include it here as well.

http://writetodone.com/

Plug a blog and quick post

If anyone is out there and reads this, check out the link for Write To Done. Filled with amazing articles on everything from clearing out brain clutter through brief and simple meditation techniques to really helpful writing tips, it offers both incite and inspiration. I'm really glad I found it and I hope I was able to include the link with this....still trying to fine tune details.

Tonight I wanted to work on revising the story for my writing group and I’d planned to make this a quick and short post. But with three sentences barely written, I'd already gone back a half dozen times to rewrite them. This is so time consuming, I swear, it takes me ninety minutes to put four paragraphs together to my satisfaction. I’m trying to train myself to just get stuff down, misspellings and all, then go back and rewrite and edit, but even as I compose this, I'm correcting and changing, especially if a word is misspelled.

What’s the matter with me? Sometimes I really wonder why the hell I’m doing this to myself. I have to work hard at not stressing out, especially over things I can’t control, but this seems to bring out the stress in me big time. So why do I enjoy it so much? Is it some warped form of self punishment or is it because, as my husband tells me, I’m a control freak? I think it may be a little of both. All I know is when I'm done-or at least finished for the time being, I feel a great sense of satisfaction and release. The key is knowing when to stop because I tend to get all caught up and just want to keep going. But I have a real job to go to in the morning and unfortunately can't sit here all night.

Maybe someday I'll have all the time I want to just write and write and write. I can dream...

Read a little, learned a lot

I feel better tonight after I did some more reading from Bernard Selling's "In Your Own Voice". I'm quickly learning that the amount of knowledge I have about writing could be fit on the head of a pin. For example, each time I go back and read something I wrote, I invariably change the content because I don't like the way it came out the first time. I thought that was editing. No. I'm rewriting. Editing corrects the grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. I apologize to anyone who read that insight and rolled their eyes. I'll take any suggestions or help available and if you eye-rollers haven't already deleted me forever from your hard drive and want to offer it up, please feel free to throw some my way.

Obviously, drawing the reader in as soon as possible is the key to a good story. Selling stresses beginning with a powerful moment, either with dialog or a line of action, creating a strong sense of feeling to extract empathy from the reader, and provoke questions that will spurn the reader further. Getting all that into the first paragraph will entice the reader to move onto the second paragraph, where the "backstory" will fill in the details of events that happened before the story actually opened.


Information is good. Too much information is bad. I once heard someone say "write tight", meaning use concise language to get the point across with as few words as possible. The same goes for creating a story. Selling stresses focus, creating a beginning, middle and end to each episode of writing, keeping to the topic without introducing other unrelated events. Kind of like a chronological time line.. Bouncing from kindergarten to high school and back to third grade would be confusing. Keep order. Order is good.


I was encouraged by all I read today, because some of it comes naturally to me. I've been referred to as a drama queen, but I think that when it comes to getting emotions down on paper, I'm pretty good at it. Everything else, not so good. I'll keep trying, though....keep on writing, keep on writing, keep on writing.....

Starting Week 2

Sunday night and I'm tired. This is the first time I've sat at the computer today, and I'm fighting with myself as to write or not to write. I don't have much to offer tonight-I'm feeling a little disappointed in myself because I didn't finish "In Your Own Voice" this week, and I'm not sure I'm going to be able to read a book a week. Bill says no excuses and I need to make time. I agree, but some days, my head just can't wrap around any more stuff or it feels like my brain will explode.
I think for now, I'll do a little more reading of other blogs, make up my calendar for next week, and call it a day.

Back to Frustration

First, I want to say, "Thanks, Sara, for adding yourself as my FIRST FOLLOWER! ...and thanks, also, for your helpful and encouraging comment."

It's noon on Saturday. I've been sitting here since about 8:15 trying to figure stuff out and I don't feel like I've gotten anywhere. I'm still not sure if I've set everything up correctly and I can't find myself on the web. Sara is right, this is very addicting as well as time consuming. I think I need a break so I'm going to do some cleaning or hit the gym to get my mind off this and relieve a little self imposed stress.

My last few posts have had nothing to do with my initial idea of writing about writing, nor have I read much more of my "hard" book. I'm really beginning to feel like I'm getting off track...I had no idea blogging would leave me feeling so incompetent.

The Babbling Flow of a Fledgling Scribbler: 100 Followers = My 1st Giveaway Contest!

The Babbling Flow of a Fledgling Scribbler: 100 Followers = My 1st Giveaway Contest!

I'm not sure, but I think this will take you to another blog. I'm so new at this, I feel like I'm groping around in the dark. In my search for writing blogs to read and learn, and also to try and find my own blog, I Googled "Fledgling Author blog" and came up with a bunch of stuff, this site being one. But there's so much to read-in ALL of them-I don't know how I'm going to do it. Of the three blogs that I've chosen so far, two bloggers are full time writers. It seems I'd have to drop everything just to stay on top of blog reading. I'm not giving up, though. I'm always slow at something new. If I am right about this taking you elsewhere, and if there's anyone out there reading this who can help me (besides my family), please let me know...

Will wonders never cease?
I just inadvertently learned how to provide a link to another blog! I'm so proud of myself, but it will remain to be seen if I can do it again, and not by accident...
Happy Friday night!

Pressed for time

"Oh, yes," I faithfully promised myself only a few short days ago. "I will write in my blog every day and make sure I have plenty of time to do so." Where the hell was my head? It's currently 8:52 pm and I'm just getting around to getting something down. Stuff kept happening tonight-phones ringing (another promise--"I will NOT answer the phone when I'm supposed to be writing") Ha. Bills to be paid, parakeet house to be clean,(I hate to call it their cage) dishes to do, blah, blah, blah. I am definitely going to have to learn to manage my time better. Or put everything but this blog on the back burner. But at least I'm here now, so I guess that's a good thing.

Revising the revise

After last night's bungle with trying to re-write portions of my story, I hit it again tonight--actually before I came to my blog. I did get some work done on it, but not as good as I thought last night's revision was. I can't remember, though because I DELETED THE ENTIRE THING!!! Still beating myself up--moped about it all day long. Another matter of awareness---learning to let go. I'll end up in the psycho ward if I keep this up. At any rate, if I get the piece to a point that's acceptable, I might paste some of it in here. Nobody's reading this anyway--well almost nobody, but family doesn't count. Sorry, guys.

Lessons for the day

Work on time management... Stop holding onto stuff until it has claw marks...just keep writing....

Wired and tired

Went to my writer's group tonight and brought a piece I'd written about my daughter. I love going to that group-it's small and I get great feedback, especially from this one woman, Erin. She has a great command of English, and I love to listen to her speak. She, and everyone else, gave me some good ideas for revision, and I drove home with my brain buzzing. I couldn't wait to sit down at the computer to get it started, as I was alone in the house and had some time for myself. Unloaded a few groceries, got my gym stuff ready for tomorrow, showered and got to work editing. Made some notes, but didn't do anything polished. Then, I hit save, and because I had two of the same document open, the computer asked me something that I apparently misunderstood, because I told it yes and it deleted all my work. I was so pissed off. Could not find a way to get it back. So I tried to re-do it as best I could, but I had had a couple of really nice descriptive words and for the life of me, they wouldn't come back. Some writer. Sometimes I'm surprised I can remember my own name. I'm done for tonight.

Lots of questions, lots of confusion

Wow, I never expected that a blog would occupy so much of my mental energy. My blog address/email thing has been consuming me, but I think today I figured out that it's my service carrier, not the blogspot address as I originally thought. The more I work I this, the less I'm discovering that I know about internet publishing. I know nothing. I've found that I'm spending more time trying to figure things out than I am actually writing. So if anyone ever does come across this blog some day, I offer my advance apologies for my naivete. Hopefully, I'll learn something over this next year, but trying to do it by myself is frustrating and I wish I knew a whiz who could help.

My critic awakes and questions abound.

Four days ago, I began this undertaking with the idea that it would help me to write, and read, on a daily basis, and that the primary topic would involve my writing progression. But today, my (non)supportive mental critic got a hold of me, strongly suggesting that no one will be interested in what I have to say. And I agreed. I asked myself why I'm doing this, and who would really give a damn. I don't even know if I can use damn. What about crap? Or shit? If I swear here-what will people think? Then I tell myself if I don't worry what others think about my graphic vocalizations, why do I care about what's written? "Because", I think "if anyone comes across this, and they don't know me--they might be turned off. Then nobody will read it."

...This is nuts-I'm sitting at the computer having an argument with myself about something that most likely won't even happen...I really need help. I'll just do it.

Africa Adventure

I'm also preoccupied tonight because I got the final (I think) itinerary for our trip to South Africa in October and I've just decided to write about that, as well. Maybe it will make for more interesting reading than if I only write about writing. Oh, God.

My husband and I will be taking a three week safari to see a "bit of everything" in South Africa, Botswana and Zimbabwe. It started as a sort-of whim last May when we attended a fund raising auction/dinner for a friend. One of the features of the live auction was this trip and we decided to bid on it. However, when the bidding began, it was at our cap price, and our momentary safari dream evaporated like warm breath on an icy day. The auctioneer tried to get the bidding going at that price, but had no takers. So she dropped the price. Still nobody. Dropped it again. Nope. Once more, and suddenly we were in the game. Long story, we were high bidders for a week safari trip, and decided that since this would be a once in a lifetime opportunity, and the flight over was 24 hours, we needed to extend it. And extend we did. Twenty one days...I've never been out of the country, have seen very little of it,actually, so this will be some experience.
Writing? Reading?
I did actually get some reading done last night from "In Your Own Voice." Funny, he spoke of writing fear and the critic. And mine shows up today. I need to take the advice and write through the fear. Looking back on this entry, I guess I did.

Midnight revelation a dud

After spending hours yesterday on this stupid computer, trying to figure out how I can get my blog address to others through email, I finally gave up and finished most of the Christmas household cleanup. We were stuck inside all day due to the snowy, blustery, freezing weather. As I was drifting off to sleep at around midnight, it suddenly came to me that rather than email my blog address, I could let everyone know the title and they could Google it. How simple, I thought, and went to sleep happy. This morning, however, when I tried my great idea, it didn't work so apparently my blog is floating around in cyberspace, basically unread. I'll figure it out eventually. Today the sun is shining brightly, I have one more day off from work, and I'm going to make the best of it.

I did get some things accomplished last night. I organized a hard reading/writing plan for the upcoming week as suggested by Bill Roorbach. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it might be, now I just have to make sure I stick to the schedule. I also began my first book of non-pleasure reading, and I actually enjoyed it. In the back of his book, Bill has offered pages of suggested readings in Creative Nonfiction that include Memoirs, Personal Essays, Journals, Nature, Travel and New/Literary Journalism. I initially thought I'd choose something from his list, since it numbers in the hundreds, but then I remembered a book I'd taken from the library weeks ago and hadn't read because it was difficult for me to get into. So I chose that for my first hard reading. Not only am I enjoying it, I think it will help me with my own personal writing. Entitled "In Your Own Voice", it's written by Bernard Selling with Jim Strohecker and is a sort-of teaching directive for life story writing. While geared toward creative writing teachers, and a little technical is spots, his premise is for one to go back, remembering childhood, and "write from within". I really think it's going to be helpful for me to "find my voice" and hone my writing style. I've found that I'm not very creative when it comes to inventing charcters, places and plots, but have little difficulty writing about my own personal stuff. Maybe I have an inventive block from my younger days when my mother used to tell me I had no imagination. That, though, is for another day, another blog....

Frustrated

It's day three and I'm already frustrated. I've spent all morning trying to figure out why I can't email my blog address to friends. I get an undeliverable disclaimer with both of my service providers.
I've not opened one book today or done any writing and am really started to get po'd.
I'll try taking a break with a cup of tea.

Day 2

I haven't even gone downstairs for coffee yet. While I slept really well last night, I did wake a few times and this blog was bouncing around in my head. Before I turned off my light to go to sleep, I was reading my newest book purchase, "Writing Life Stories" by Bill Roorbach with Kristen Keckler. The book is a revised second edition subtitled, "How to make memories into memoirs, ideas into essays and life into literature." Years ago, when I first contemplated writing anything, I thought of penning the memoirs of three women I knew-each who had lived difficult lives and had overcome adverse circumstances. My husband bought me a little digital tape recorder for Christmas so I could record conversations with the three, but I never figured out how to use it and didn't compose one line on the topic. To this day, I still feel guilty whenever he mentions the tape recorder.

I've often had the notion to write about my own personal circumstances, but didn't think they would be interesting enough reading. I believe there are no coincidences, and finding this book seven or eight years after my initial memoir idea has helped me to kick start my writing. I don't yet know if a memoir is in the picture, but I think the blog is a good attempt at beginning something.

As excited as I was to find this book, I already have problems. Hesitation, doubt, and the biggest--- time investment. While Bill seems friendly enough, (I hope he doesn't mind that we're on a first name basis) he's also a task master. Every chapter includes a number of exercises that he expects the reader to accomplish. One of his first, and most off-putting for me so far (I've only read 22 pages) is his prerequisite that we read every day. As I am obsessed with books, I didn't find that to be an issue until I read a bit further. The daily reading cannot be pleasure or easy stuff like magazine articles. He specifically calls it "hard", meaning literature that I would never even consider. I do not like that word-hard-in any context, unless used in conjunction with hard body. The word gives me unpleasant feelings and makes me want to run away. That particular "exercise" has been lurking in the dark recesses of my mind, haunting me for the last few days. And as if the "hard" part wasn't bad enough, he wants me to read one hard book per week. My pleasure books take at least a month as they are the last thing I do before I go to sleep at night and can only get in a few pages at a time before my eyes blur and close.

So now I'll need to carve some time into my already crammed days to find and read hard stuff. Goodie... Why did I decide to do this again?

Time to go look for something hard to read.

Fledgling Author

January 1, 2010 Happy New Year.
I recently watched the movie "Julie and Julia" and was struck by the question Julie asked herself in the beginning of the film, "What would I write about in a blog?" Since then, I had been asking myself the same question for the last few weeks. This morning, it came to me. Write about writing. While I really enjoy the craft, I have never fully committed myself to working on it. Commitment through conclusion have always been issues for me. So, like Julie, I decided to commit myself to writing something on a daily basis for at least the next year, and what better time to begin than January First? Hopefully, this will create some discipline for me and start a new and good daily habit.

Since I know virtually nothing about blogs, this undertaking has been in progress for the last few hours and I guess this will be a New Year's Day to remember. I followed the directions to come up with a title, but now I don't know if that name carries through the entire life of the blog. I'll keep it that way for now. I decided on Fledgling as I'm so new at this that it has a sort-of double connotation for me. Webster's online defines fledgling as an "immature or inexperienced person" of which I am, at times, both. Fledgling is also a baby bird, and birds being one of my passions, I thought the term appropriate for me. Author is pretty much self explanatory. I'm trying.
Rather than write a novel here today, I'll continue tomorrow with the current reading materials I researched to help guide me into this process. I'm a little nervous, but I'm trying not to project and take this, as I try to do with most everything in my life, one day at a time.